Breathe-Smile » happiness

Self Improvement – Why Bother?

Ash — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 19:45:10 +0000

“The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” – Lao Tzu

Have you ever read a wonderful piece of advice and then completely failed to implement it?

I’ve recently been looking a lot of advice in the face and asking, “Why bother?”

All those gurus sitting in their white castles don’t know the details of your life. You might be a single mom with two young children, or a young graduate desperately trying to get noticed at work and with the ladies. You’re going through so much in life already that you don’t see why you should waste time trying to implement someone else’s advice, no matter how sound it seems.

In addition, most advice is uncomfortable to implement. It takes time, energy and resources, and you already have enough demands on them: from work, family and friends. You weigh the pros and cons subconsciously, and come to the decision it’s not worth it. The advice you nodded along with gets forgotten. “It sounds great,” you say, “but I couldn’t do it.”

We don’t bother to analyse why we’re not trying to implement those tips the gurus say are worthwhile, and we put it down to laziness. But it’s really not laziness, it’s just a lack of motivation. We don’t do anything till we decide that we really, really want that thousand-mile journey. And self development is a really long journey, so why bother? No matter how much other people say that it’s important to be better, richer, healthier, smart, more productive… you shouldn’t bother unless you think that goal is important.

Take waking up early, for instance. A few years back this was the rage among productivity bloggers, and then someone came along and said it doesn’t work for him. Do you wake up early? If you answered no, it’s probably because you’re not sufficiently motivated: there are lots of things that can be done at night or on the commute, and sleeping in is so much fun! However, it’s easy to wake in time for something that can only be done early in the morning: that’s why most people who love sleeping in still manage to catch their early morning flights, and most employees make it to work by 9.

Some things just don’t seem worth it. I’ve read lots of house cleaning tips, but my place stays a mess: I can live with mess as long as it doesn’t attract bugs or get underfoot – my day is too crammed to make room for obsessive mopping.

You can never go down the road towards self-improvement till you identify what you love, and what your own goals are. It doesn’t have to resonate with anyone else: if you’re a recent grad you can admit to yourself that you want to get a job in an investment bank, make lots of money, work heaps, and retire early; you don’t have to join a non-profit, you can make the world better just by being yourself. It’s your life, you don’t have to justify your dreams to anyone else. Someone else might be on a weight-loss journey, but if you’re fine with being slightly overweight for the moment, don’t feel guilty: understand why it’s like that (other priorities maybe) and whether you plan to tackle your weight later. Don’t feel the need to be like someone else; another person’s goals will never matter to you.

The first real step in a journey is introspection: deciding what journey you want. I’ve done some soul-searching myself, before deciding to take baby steps down the self-improvement path. These are the areas that I’ve decided I want to improve upon, and that I’ll be discussing in my blog. Check if any of these goals fit in with your own goals:

Career Optimization
Unless you’re acting immorally, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to earn money – it lets you raise children, support your family, donate to the needy and enjoy life a little. However, my primary motivator is working at something I’m passionate about, so I’m happy making a small income that allows me to survive without handouts.
I write about following your passion, and it’s a wonderful life when you can merge your career and passion. For some people (including me) this may take a while to achieve, and it’s ok to build up a nest egg by working hard at a job you don’t dream about. Your job will take up most of your life, and it’s important to try to enjoy it, do well at it, and leverage it as much as possible without dying inside.
Frugality
I equate wealth with freedom. Money doesn’t mean a flashy car for me, it means time to devote to work I love rather than work that just pays. Wealth can bring security, comfort, experiences… and income generation is only one part of the equation.
I was forced to be extremely frugal after a lifestyle change led to two people living on a tiny income, and it’s taught me a lot – mostly that frugality isn’t painful. When you have a vision of what you want from life (travelling, being with your kids, starting a business) wasteful consumerism fades into the background. That’s not to say that you should live a miserable stingy life. It’s just that I believe that frugality can help you achieve your longer-term goals by eliminating the stuff you don’t really want.
Healthiness
This is one of the more difficult goals since it involves abstaining from foods you love and undertaking strenuous activity when you’d rather do something else. This is something I’ve thought long and hard about, and I’ve talked about how I do it. It’s totally worth it for me – I feel more energetic, and tend to fall ill less often. However, without sufficient determination, it’s difficult to try to be healthier.
Happiness
Gretchen Rubin says her year of trying to be happier did, in fact, make her happier. The surprising thing is that being happier is not necessarily easy: it involves an amount of restraint, selfless giving, work and social interactions. At the end of the day though, I’d rather be happy and exhausted.
Productivity
What is the point of doing meaningless work quicker?
I was totally disinterested in productivity hacks until I discovered what I really wanted to do with my life. Sure, you can apply some tips to improve your social life, but most tips are work related – and before trying to go through tips for working better, make sure you want to be doing that work. Of course, if there’s something you look forward to doing outside of work you can try to work more efficiently to have more time to devote to that activity. Productivity is closely tied with career optimization.

Everyone’s journey is different. Before you read about how to have a more efficient journey, it’s important to think about which journey you want. Hopefully this post will inspire you to do that.

Something to Remember

Ash — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 08:43:35 +0000

There once was a rich and powerful king who commissioned his noblemen to bring him a symbol. Something that would make him happy when he was sad, and sad when he was happy.

They brought him back a ring with the inscription: “This too, shall pass.”

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Costs, Part 1 – Opportunity Costs

Ash — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 06:29:57 +0000

Every time you travel down one path, you miss out on the path you didn’t take. It’s something we rarely think out, because missing something causes regret. We want it all.

But it’s a fact: we can’t have it all. We have limited resources, and it’s good to accept that. At any given time, there’s only so much money (or net worth) we have, but there’s an unlimited number of things we could spend that money on.

Once you can accept the “limited net worth, unlimited stuff to buy” dilemna, you can take steps to deal with it, i.e. by making good choices.
This is where the concept of “opportunity costs” comes in. An opportunity cost is the next best alternative you give up: so if you turn right at the bend, the opportunity cost is the opportunity of walking left.

If I decide to buy lunch at work, I may pop into McDonalds to pick up a cheap, convenient meal for $6. My other choices may have been a more expensive meal, chips and lollies from the vending machine, or a nutritious but time-consuming $3 home-cooked meal. Let’s assume of the remaining choices, I prefer the home-cooked meal: that’s what I’ve given up in favor of the McMeal.

What have I given up? Well, in my list of priorities, the first thing I sacrified was nutrition value. I’m desperately trying to eat healthy on a budget, and McDonald’s is the easiest way to blow both – more expensive, and more unhealthy. The second thing I sacrificed was $3. That’s not much money, but if I think of it in terms of something more tangible – maybe a coffee with a friend, a nice time spent chatting in a cosy cafe – I realize that I did give up something else of value. Finally, I gave up the inconvenience of making a home-cooked meal, which is really the only reason I’d only ever eat at McDonalds (I make a meaner burger at home ). So it really might be worthwhile to give up a cheaper, healthier home-cooked meal in favour of McDonalds if I’m going through a particularly busy time and can’t make time to cook.

That was an easy choice. A more difficult one may be, you want to buy your partner an expensive, romantic dinner. It would be a sumptuous meal and an experience that you’d both remember, and would cost $70 for two people. The next best option for spending that money would be to save towards a holiday. You could, of course, save the money for retirement, but I’m assuming you also want to live a little, strengthen your relationship and create some memories. It’s a tough choice, because both the dinner and the holiday are things you want. How you decide to ultimately spend that money is really up to your priorities. However, the important thing is identifying what you’re giving up. If you pick the dinner, you’ll have to wait a little longer before going on holiday. If you pick the holiday, that’s a special evening you’ve sacrificed.

I think that’s what the importance of opportunity costs really boils down to: acknowledging that they’re there. That you’ve given up something to get something. That your new car represents a new furniture set you didn’t buy. Accepting that opportunity costs exist means admitting that you can’t have it all, and that you’re being realistic about the fact that you need to make choices.

Costs, Part 2 – Sunk Costs is coming soon!

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How to Integrate Your Dreams and Your Life

Ash — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 08:08:34 +0000

There have been a couple of recent posts over at Wisebread.com about following your dreams, in response to which quite a few people claimed it was impossible. Considering that I’m currently taking quite a big risk to follow my dreams, I find this topic really interesting.

These are the steps that I took to follow my dream, although I didn’t so much “take” the first few steps as get a sudden push!

Realization
One fine day I realized it’s possible to follow my dreams.
This was a shock to me, since I’d become jaded over time, and had started to think that I would be going down a “traditional” life – trying the corporate world, possibly not being that successful since I wasn’t about to work 15hour days in Corporateland, and having a “typical” life.
Then one day I understood that I don’t have to do it if I don’t want to. I live a very frugal life, so I don’t have to earn very much. Even a part-time role would pay enough to cover my bills, and I could spend the rest of my time chasing whatever dream I had. Whatever dream I had.
Acceptance
The next stage for me was accepting that I wasn’t really on track to the most fantastic life ever. Seeing a future in Corporateland didn’t excite me. Suddenly it was clear to me that my life wasn’t the awe-inspiring journey that it could be, and I should possibly think about changing its course.
Understanding
Once I realized that I wanted to do something different, I had to understand what I wanted to do. Why did I want out of the suburban dream? What did my dream life look like? It wasn’t just the things I would ideally have, or how much money I would make, but what kind of things did I love to do?
Dreaming big
When I was younger I had wanted to be a novelist. I also wanted to be an entrepreneur.I started dreaming wild dreams about what my ideal daily work would be like. From this, I started to narrow things down. What business did I want to be in? Did I still want to be a novelist or did I just want to write? What kind of things did I want to write? Did I have any other dreams? For instance, I’m very interested in business and marketing – did I maybe want to be a consultant, or write about business? I like design, so did I want some kind of design career, may as an interior designer? Or did I want to write about interior design? As you can see, there were so many possible combinations! At this stage I felt overwhelmed! I hadn’t done this kind of exercise since I was a child, and I suddenly realized that there was a whole world out there that I could possibly explore!
Around about this point I decided to take a step back and be a bit more realisitic. Following your dreams is a bit like trying to have a relationship – you may like some potential career, but it may not like you. It may like people with a skill set completely different to yours.
So I started trying to find “the one”. Again, like dating, there is no Mr Perfect – because there’s no-one out there who’s perfect. But there is a Mr Right, because there are people out there who are right for you. For possible careers that really appealed to me, I drew up lists of pros and cons.
Just because a career is a dream for you, doesn’t mean that it’s without it’s drawbacks. Once more, I can’t leave the analogy of a partner – just because you love someone it doesn’t mean they don’t have their flaws. At this stage, I was taking a long hard look at the cons, and trying to decide which ones I could live with. Essentially, I was doing a cost-benefit analysis of different career options, and trying to weigh how much I would get out of a career and how much I would have to put in, and what different things meant to me. For instance, I chose blogging about personal development, money and happiness because although the hours are quite a lot and the pay is much lower than what I could make in other careers, the potential satisfaction of a job well done is much higher.
Be determined
I’m putting this in as an extra step, because I needed to take a deep breath and decide that I would take the plunge. In fact, I’ve needed to take a couple of such deep breaths every few days, whenever I come across a little voice that says I’m doing something crazy and I’ll fail miserably and become an icon of stupidity. You need to have the determination to face down that little potent voice.
Put in the effort
This where most people fail.
It’s simply not practical to chase a dream when your life is already full with a career, a relationship, friends, family and maybe some other hobbies. Changing or starting a new career takes a whole lot of effort. How can you carve out time for that effort? Would you be able to maybe reduce your work hours and withstand a temporary cut in pay, would your partner/family support your dream? This stage actually takes a lot of preparation, trying to figure out how to put in that effort, and making a realistic assessment of how much you need to put in. It’s all right to say that you just don’t have the time for this: if you realize it upfront, you’ll have saved yourself a lot of wasted effort, and can maybe look into some other way to integrate your dream into your life.If you’ve got your plans set up already (e.g. become an interior designer by enrolling in a part-time course and helping out a designer for free on the weekends), are you really going to be able to put in the required effort?
If the answer to all those questions is yes, the only thing to do now is go ahead and stick it out.
Monetize
This is the very last step, and it only comes about if you’ve taken all the other steps. It may be a long and winding road to get there, but it ultimately happens. Of course, even after monetizing, you may not be able to make too much money. For instance, with this blog, I don’t have grandiose money-generating schemes, but if I make enough to cover my bills, the satisfaction of creating a good blog will be enough.

Quite a few things become apparant to me when I look back over this exercise.

Firstly, this exercise in following your dreams is only worth doing if you’re not satisfied with how your life’s going at the moment. If you’re already living the dream, congratulations!

If you think your life could do with a bit of a shakeup, it’s worth noting that most people have quite a few things that they love doing. For instance, you may love yoga, knitting and reading. So right there, you have a couple of potential career avenues. Some people say that they don’t know what their passion is, but I think very few people have one single passion. Some people have become so busy and immersed with their current life that they can’t remember anything that they really love doing.
There are a number of steps that you can take to uncover things that you love (hopefully I’ll have a blog post coming out on this shortly). But usually, it’s a number of different things. In fact, your dream may seem completely boring to someone else – for instance, I love marketing and business strategy and was seriously considering becoming a small-business consultant.

Another question that pops up is, what does it mean to follow your dream? It may be more suitable for some people to have a corporate job and a hobby. Just because you love doing something doesn’t mean that you should try to make it your career. I love yoga, but I could never make it my career – I would rather practice it than teach it, and I don’t see myself putting in eight hours a day of effort into it.

If you choose to try to make money from something you love, there are a number of ways you could go about it. You could teach it, you could practice it, you could sell products about it. Another example to clarify this: I love interior design. So I could try to set a blog with home design tips, or I could set up a magazine about interior design, showcasing recent works. I could try to be a designer myself. Or I could set up a shop selling home design items.
Maybe you love golf. You could try to be a pro golfer, you could try being a golf coach at a country club, you write an educational newsletter or book about golf, you could sell golf supplies, or you could cover golf tournaments and blog about golf gossip.

As I mentioned in my previous post, you may find out that you can’t really create a career around one particular thing you love. It may just not be practical enough: the cons would outweigh any benefits. For instance, you may like airplanes, but it may not be practical for you to want to be a pilot because firstly, flying lessons are expensive, and secondly, being a pilot means a lot of travel and you don’t want to spend lots of time away from your young family.

A lot of people don’t initially make their dream their full-time career. It’s most likely to take a while to make money from a career move: there may be some time required for education, looking for work, or setting up a business. This is where the concept of a “day job” comes in. Basically, a day job is a stress-free job that pays the bills, that you can fit your other “dream” career around. Often, this is a bit of a dead end job. This is the route I’ve taken. Having worked in call centres for a bit, I’ve seen quite a few hopeful actors, models and musicians choose this path as well. After all, it’s nice to not have to worry about bills, but a “proper” job is often too draining to do anything else afterwards. Another option to make your dream a reality is to work hard at a stressful job, save up, and “retire” early to pursue your ideal career.

Whichever option you choose, and however you choose to go about it, I believe that it is possible to work at something you love. At least, I hope I don’t fall flat on my face and prove myself wrong.

Applying the Peak End Rule to My Life

Ash — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 11:01:42 +0000

There’s an interesting post in the Simple Dollar archives about the peak end rule, which lead me to do a bit of research on my own about this hypothesis. Initially put forward by a Nobel prize-winner, the peak end rule basically says that experiences we enjoy tend to have a pleasant middle and a strong finish. For me, this makes perfect sense since we usually remember our most recent experience more vividly.

After reading on this a bit, I started wondering about how I could put this rule to good use in my own life. It turns out there are quite a few uses.
Since reading about this rule, I’ve started paying more attention to how my experiences are arranged as a whole, not just what I did. I’ve found that if I end something on a strong note, I feel more satisfied about how it went.

When I read about the peak end rule, I instantly thought about how a nice meal is usually arranged. We have a small appetizer, a nice main course, and round it off with a lovely dessert and maybe even coffee. The whole thing has a lovely glow of completeness about it, and a nice, smooth finish that leaves everyone happy. From my perspective as a sweet lover, this arrangement often borders on “leaving the best for last”, which is true for other good experiences.
Viewing the meal in terms of a “peak end” experience has also made me realize that a dessert is good not just because it’s sweet and tasty, but also because it rounds off the meal nicely, and creates a perfect, happy ending. Understanding this has made me more open to having a healthy dessert at the end of the meal, or maybe green tea or coffee. It’s the whole experience and the lovely ending that’s most important, not (for daily meals) the quality of the dessert.
At the other end of the spectrum, this rule helps me understand why I don’t like jumping up at the end of a meal to do the dishes, and would rather savor the meal.

Similarly, when I end my day at work I feel happier if I’ve had a good experience when leaving. I can’t really control how my work-day goes, but I can control how I leave. Since I’m in training, we tidy up the room, the trainer makes a lame joke, and we all leave in a good mood. I try to walk to the train station with one of the people I really like, or I call my partner just to say hi and let him know I’m out. On the ride home I try to meditate a bit, and read a few pages of a Name Your LinkPratchett novel. I can’t control the ups and downs of my 9-5, but ending it smoothly allows me to get home in a good, energetic mood, all ready to write up another blog post.

I’ve also been trying to apply this rule to my workouts. I don’t really like working out that much, and the experience mostly consists of me being out of breath. I now try to incorporate some serious yoga stretches at the end, which are challenging and leave me feeling relaxed and happy that I went through all that exercise.

Most of us have “peak end” routines that we apply daily without being conscious of it. We do a nightly tidy-up maybe, parents tuck their children into bed, a perfect first date ends (maybe) with a good night kiss.

In my opinion, the peak end experience has a lot to do with transitioning. I like the idea of having a definite transition from one area of the day to another, a nice close to the current task. Whether it’s a meal, or a project, it’s nice to know that something has definitely ended, and even nicer to end it on a pleasant note.

How to Integrate Your Dreams and Your Life

How to Follow Your Passion

Ash — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 11:40:17 +0000

“Work is love made visible.” – Kahlil Gibrail

When you do something you love, you wake up excited, work intensely and happily, and go to bed looking forward to another day of work. It’s not work you force yourself to do for the money, it’s work you love to do, and would do for free or very little pay.

Most of my life, I thought this was an impractical dream. When I was much younger, my writing was much better and my dream was to be a fiction writer. I threw that dream aside because I thought, novelists starve and are poor, I’d rather be a rich banker.

Now that I’m older, I’ve realized that I don’t want to waste my life in a meaningless job, I’d rather earn relatively less, live frugally, and spend my time happily applying myself to something that I love.

Why should you bother to try to find work that you love and find fulfilling?

It makes your days so much brighter, it’s like living in the shade and then suddenly moving into the sunlight. I didn’t really believe how big a difference doing something you love could make, until I started this blog and my other business. Now I think about the blog almost all the time, and what to write and do and so forth and I love it! Doing something you’re passionate about makes your life amazing.
You make the world a better place. You might trivialize your skills or what you love doing, but even if your great love is banking and you become a good banker, you’ll have maybe created new banking products that will really help customers. On the other hand, if you love scrapbooking, and choose to teach others this hobby, you’ll have made their lives more enjoyable. What you love to do doesn’t have to appear to be a great task, like building houses for the homeless, it just has to be something you enjoy. Regardless of what it is, it’ll help other people.

So now maybe you’re convinced that you do want to follow you passions and work on something you love, but how exactly do you go about it?

Believe that it’s possible
This is the first thing you have to do, and something that no-one else seems to talk about. Most people are skeptical about their ability to turn dreams into reality, or to make money doing something they love. You need to believe it’s possible. It’s possible that you can do whatever you want, no matter how crazy it sounds to others. If you try work hard enough, it’s possible to do anything. And if you do something you love, it’ll seem like fun and you’ll work harder than you ever have, without even breaking a sweat.
Believe that you can do anything you want to do, and you will.
Find your passion
You have to look for it, it doesn’t look for you. Try different things, and see what you like. Think about what you already love doing – reading, cooking, tinkering with cars. Some of these may translate into work directly, some may not be things you’d like to do every day.
Convert that passion into work
There are many ways to turn a passion into work. For instance, maybe you love dogs, but you don’t see yourself shampooing them all day in a dog saloon, or looking after them in a kennel. But you might like the idea of becoming a certified dog trainer, and becoming a trainer. On the other hand, you might like writing as well as dogs – hello new dog blog!
Think about how you’ll turn what you love into a job. You could start a business around it, maybe providing supplies, or start a blog, or go to work for someone else in that line of business.
Dip a toe in the water
If you think you’ve found your passion, don’t quit your job to chase your dream. Chances are, it may not be what you ultimately wind up doing, and even if it is, it may be a while till you make money from it.
A good way to dip your toe is to take classes on the side, start a small business on the side, or volunteer to work for someone after work or on the weekends.
Don’t despair if it’s not smooth sailing
It may take a couple of attempts. Maybe the first go, you have too many existing work commitments and can’t study enough. Reduce your work load over time and study up.
Maybe you like design, and decide to be an interior designer. You offer to help out an established designer for free after work and on weekends, so you sit with him while he designs, and go with him shopping and to clients’ houses. You find that, while you like shopping and designing, you don’t really like interacting with high-end customers, over-charging them and acting snooty
So take a step back and identify what went wrong. In this case, it would be the client interaction. So is there any way you can still do design work but not overcharge and deal with high-end customers? Maybe you can start a design magazine – there are many designers who’d love you to showcase their work, and you enjoy talking with them. You can reach a mass market who can then apply those design concepts to their own homes without spending a fortune.
When you identify what you don’t like, you don’t have to incorporate that into your daily life. You may find it tolerable, and worth the opportunity to focus on what you love. Or you may try to redesign your work away from those elements, and switch back to Step 3, converting your passion to work.
Alternatively, you may find that you’re not really that passionate about it and can’t conceive of doing it every day. So you switch back to Step 2, and look for what else you love.
Don’t stress about money
If you do something you love, the money will follow. However, it may be a bit late in following.
Don’t stress about it. This is the advantage of following your passion. You’re not really in it for the money, you may even be just doing it on the side for a while. Sure, it would be nice to get paid to do it, but you’re happy to do it for very little in the beginning, because one or two or three years down the line, you’ll get paid lots for it. Because you love doing it, you’ll work much harder and smarter than other people doing the same thing, who don’t really love it. So the work, projects, clients and responsibility will flow to you, and you’ll be happy to deal with them. Leading to a pay rise or more business.
The key here is persistence. Don’t give up when the going is tough, and pretty soon it’ll be a much smoother journey.
Enjoy

How to Integrate Your Dreams and Your Life

7 Reasons it’s Important to Make a Conscious Decision About Where You’ll Live

Ash — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 23:00:13 +0000

I’m a huge fan of Trent Hamm over at The Simple Dollar. It’s an amazing blog, and Trent has a wonderful perspective about life that I love.

Recently, Trent’s been talking about the area where he lives, and how it plays a huge role in his lifestyle. He lives in the mid-west, which is idyllic for him. I love that someone else consciously takes a decision about where they live. I’m a city girl myself, and currently I live by choice in Melbourne (Australia), in a lovely suburb a few minutes drive from the major CBD area.

Where you live plays a huge, huge role in your lifestyle, your friends and your happiness. We take a lot of time to think about other major decisions in our life, yet few people consciously choose a city like they choose their mate. It’s usually picked out for them – by a job, or where they grew up. Even if you don’t hate where you live, I think it’s worthwhile to think about where you’d live ideally, and what attracts you to the idea of living there.

If you think about it, where you live affects your life in so many ways:

Career opportunities - This is the first thing that people generally think about when they think of where to live. A big city is more likely to have more and diverse career opportunities than a smaller town, simply because most organizations flock to one area. There’s more jobs, more types of jobs, and more choice – if you get fired at one place you can likely find a job in the same industry without having to move. It’s Silicon Valley (all the tech companies) vs Seattle (Microsoft only).
It’s true that some careers are location-independent. You can design software, write, or teach anywhere in the world. However, the reality is that most people do not have a location-independent career. So a decision about where to live usually needs to be made in conjunction with the reality of where the jobs are. But even after that, people make decisions on how far away from their work they can live.
For those who aren’t tied into a specific job yet, I personally believe that it’s really worthwhile trying to build up a location-independent career. This can even be tied into an existing job, if, for instance, you become such a star performer that your boss allows you to telecommute.
Socializing – There’s a reason many people live on in the place where they grew up. Close friends and family provide an incredible social net, a place to fall back on. Where you live impacts the kinds of people you’ll meet. Undoubtedly, you’ll find more quirky people, people from different cultures and backgrounds, and ambitious people in a large city. On the other hand, you’ll probably meet down-to-earth, unpretentious people out in rural areas. I know that this is a generalization, but it usually holds – you’re not that likely to meet a gay music composer with a love for art films out in the country.
So, if you already have a great social web where you live, should you move? Personally, I’m a fan of taking risks like that. Almost everyone somehow manages to make another group of friends at the new place, and often these are friends who are more in tune with your new life or aspirations in your new city/country/suburb.
Safety - A lot of people don’t like living in big cities because they think it’s unsafe. Inner cities normally have a higher crime rate than elsewhere. Many people think that rural regions are more friendly, cohesive and family-friendly. They probably have a point – but I’m still in love with big cities! However, despite my die-hard loyalty to the metropolis, even I’ll concede that the high cluster of crime you’ll find in certain parts of the city will never be rivaled by anywhere out in the country.
Cost – It’s cheaper to live out in the country. Hands down. Rent is cheaper, food is cheaper and you can probably grow/raise most of your own, everything is cheaper! Except public transport, of course, which is non-existent In addition, the lifestyle costs are likely to be lower – no expensive restaurants and theaters, no peer-pressure to wear designer duds.
Culture – For me, this is what really makes different regions stand out. As part of a young(ish) couple with no children, the cosmopolitan culture is really, really appealing to me. The arts, the literature, the vastly different people who live in a big city – all this really appeals to me.
On the last point, I have to add, this is a clincher for me. I’m a non-white female, and I’d stick out like a sore thumb out in the country. Despite the dangers of the city, I love the anonymity it provides. For someone of a minority, this anonymity actually provides a feeling of security, that I wouldn’t get in a smaller town, where I might be a bit of an exception. Of course, I know quite a few minority people who are happily settled out in the countryside (in Australia), and in no way do I imply that other people (living rural lives) are prejudiced. It’s just that I personally feel more comfortable being a part of the multi-colored hub that is a large city, where my quirks are easily overshadowed and mingled with those of others’.
Natural Beauty and wildlife – I’m not really one to comment here. I’ve grown up in cities, I don’t know much about this. Sure, I can appreciate when the landscape is beautiful, but I’m not an artist or really good with animals. However, some people are. If you’re one of those people, your surroundings really matter to you on a different level. You need to surround yourself with beauty, or you need to be more in touch with nature. Some people get by with regular holidays, but if this is really important to you, there are ways to move out to the country and live more harmoniously with nature.
Education – For someone with younger children, or who is seeking education themselves, this is a really important factor. States’ and suburbs’ rankings in terms of schools can easily be obtained. For most people with children, I think it’s a balancing act to try to live in an area that’s a good school district and also in accordance with their other preferences.

These days, “liveability” studies show which cities are more “liveable”. But what does liveable mean to you? Everyone’s different, so it’s really important to think about what you want.

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How Does Money Affect Your Life?

Ash — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 01:59:12 +0000

Studies show that money makes you happier.

If you’re really poor, you don’t doubt that. Even if you’re quite well-off, you still don’t doubt that, but now you want a yatch and a BMW, not just a functioning car. So we all want more money.

But apart from its uses, where does money fit into your life? Well, you can either inherit it, marry it or win it. However, chances are you’re not a Rockefeller, you’d rather marry for love, and your chance of winning the lottery is less than your chance of getting struck by lightening. So you’ve got to earn it.

Most of our adult lives are spent trying to make money. However, every moment spent at a job is a moment lost.

In reality, most of us could live on very little. But there comes a point when we want time more than we want money – time to enjoy life, and to spend with our families. But – d’oh! – we don’t have that time because we’re at work.

As adults, most of us have to do a delicate balancing act between work and play. Unless your work is your play, which makes life easier, but even then you need to carve out time for yourself and your family.

This is why frugality is important to me – it’s not so much a way of saving money, but a way of life. Being frugal gives you the ability to quit the high-paying, high-stress job and do that lower-paying job you love. It gives you money to spend on the important things in life. Being frugal can buy you freedom.

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5 Ways to Buy Happiness

Ash — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 20:24:30 +0000

Buying happiness and being frugal are not necessarily contradictory. Buying happiness means spending money on things that will actually make you happier, not things you’ll forget. Here are some things you can spend on that really will make you happier:

Time: We all want more time, and money can buy this. You could hire someone to do chores that you don’t want to do. Alternatively, you could sacrifice money by working less.
Relationships: Spend on your significant other, or on your friends. Spend money to socialize. We’re social creatures, and sometimes you need to pay a bit (dinner, drinks, birthday presents, etc) to maintain a healthy social lie.
Experiences: Spend money traveling, doing things and challenging yourself. You’ll appreciate the things you did more than that flat screen tv you bought.
Health: This may seem like no fun at all, but spending money on being healthy increases your happiness over time. Eating better food and exercising more also give you shorter-term gratification in the form of greater energy. Personally, I bought a home cardio machine a few months ago (to save time going to the gym – plus, it was cheaper than membership) and I’ll admit that it’s been worth it.
Your Interests: You may love skiing, or swimming or dancing. Spend money on the activities that you love doing, not the things (wine tasting, golfing) that you think you should be doing but don’t really care about.

I’ll add a caveat: the concept of buying happiness presumes a level of wealth that covers basic necessities. You shouldn’t have to go into debt to buy a night out with your friends or partner. If a bit of fun spending would dampen your finances, you should spend time fixing your finances first.

Have I left anything off the list?

In Pursuit of Happiness

In Pursuit of Happiness

Ash — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 18:20:16 +0000

We must become the change we want to see in the world – Gandhi

I think the secret to being happy has already been solved.

There’s enough information out there now to know how to be happier. It’s not easy, but it’s possible, and quite worth the effort.

But for most people, and certainly for me, the first step is convincing ourselves that we deserve to be happy.

Most of us are ingrained with the thought that wanting to be happy is bad because:

1. It’s selfish, and

2. We are horrible people who don’t deserve as much happiness as we want

Of course, most of us phrase number 2 differently, but it’s still the same ethos. Why should we be any happier than the brilliant but troubled Van Gogh? At least he gave the world his art. And why should we be happy when millions around the world are suffering?

Here’s why you should want to be happy:

1. Happier people make other people happy. People like being around cheerful, upbeat people. Your co-workers are likely to be happier if you smile at them and are genuinely happy. The same goes for your family, friends, the guy with the dog who lives down the street, and the girl at the coffee shop. You can bring a little bit of sunshine into other people’s lives just by being happier. You make their lives better just by being happier.

2. Happier people are more productive. There’s been quite a few studies about this. I know that personally, when I’m upbeat and raring with energy, I get more done. And so do most people.

3. Happier people are healthier. Happier people are less likely to become ill when exposed to viruses. They also have better cardio systems, making them less prone to major diseases. So by being happier, you’ll actually reduce the stress on the health system!

I used to think that I shouldn’t place so much importance on trying to be happier, I should just get on with it. But you actually contribute more to society when you’re happier! Trying to be happier does actually work, and in upcoming posts I’ll talk about what I’ve tried to do to be happier, what you could try, and how the pursuit of happiness has worked out (or not!) for me.

5 Ways to Buy Happiness